How making marriage​ about love cleared a path for LGBTQ+

Unintentionally my two themes for blogs, dating and LGBTQ issues, have really begun to merge. This is no exception. It seems the idea of love and marriage in our society has played a huge part in where we are as a culture regarding LGBTQ issues.

Both Christian and non-Christian circles have bought into the idea that you get married because you have found someone you can’t imagine life without, someone you have fallen in love with. Love, more specifically the feeling of love has become the motivation for getting married.

This view of marriage is a huge problem. The divorce rate in the US is a shameful 50% of marriages ending in divorce and that number doesn’t change much with Christians according to surveys (although those surveys made no inquiries to see how dedicated those Christians were in their faith). That means for every two marriages a day there is one divorce. This simply needs to change. We are in dire need of change to what marriage looks like in order to bring more healthy, lasting marriages that contribute to strong faithful relationships both in the marriage itself and outside.

That being said this idea that we should marry someone for love has frankly got to go. Scripture itself doesn’t seem to promote any idea of marrying for the purpose of love, at least in an emotional definition of it. Jacob falls in love with Rachel, but I would doubt many look to Jacobs polygamous marriages as a shining example of what love should look like. Scripture from the very start in Genesis 1 emphasizes that marriage is about two becoming one.

Jesus emphasizes that merging of two souls is something no man should separate and that divorce was something allowed in a concession to the desire of God that marriage should last till death. Jesus nor Paul mention a motivation of love for marriage. If love is the binding force of two people then it seems when that love ends one is free to move on, which is precisely what has happened in our culture.

Two people fall desperately in love in some Disney like dream state but when the rubber hits the road after they have been married for a few years and they no longer are in love they part ways with each other and get a divorce. Love was the reason they got married and so once the love is gone why should they get married?

Now let me pause here to acknowledge that there are legitimate reasons for getting a divorce and state that I am not trying to point the finger at everyone who has had a divorce. Even Jesus acknowledges legitimate reasons for divorce such as unfaithfulness or abuse and I think one can make a Biblical case for abandonment.  I admit changing our view on this is not a silver bullet to ending divorce but seeing marriage something grounded something more than a feeling would motivate many people to work things out when they are beginning to consider divorce.

So where does LGBTQ factor into all of this? When we have agreed that marriage is about two people falling in love and nothing else, what are we left to say to those who have fallen into the same form of love as a heterosexual couple? They have the same motivation for marriage as the rest of us and so there is nothing to object to.

On the other hand, if we return to a truly Biblical marriage, one motivated in the betterment of society as a whole, not simply the happiness of the couple we have more questions that must be answered: Regardless of whether the couple is in love, is their marriage really the best thing for them? Will their marriage be a valuable place for children to be raised up? Will their marriage help or harm people around them? All of these questions then beg answering, and if there are negative consequences to any of these things perhaps society has a reason to reject affirming such marriages.

Please check out my previous blogs on LGBTQ and Dating and Marriage issues

Christians and LGBTQ Issues 1: Introduction
Christians and LGBTQ Issues 2: Sexual Conversion Therapy
LGBTQ+ Part 3: We cannot use the LGBTQ language

Why the idea of ‘The One’ screws up your dating life and can screw up your married life.
Two questions to help you know when you’ve found the person you should marry.
Singleness isn’t a waiting room for something else .

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